Passage Rewrite

by Emily Friedman

Janie debated the matter that night in bed.

“Logan, you ‘sleep?”

Logan rolled over; it was still pitch black out. What could be so important that she feels the need to wake him up from his sleep? He let out a huge sigh.

“If Ah wuz, you’d be done woke me up callin’ me.”

“Ah wuz thinkin’ real head about us; about you and me.”

Memories rushed into his head like a flood. All the memories of the stuff Janie had done and the fights they had gone through. He had always been there for her and now, now he could finally see the person he thought she was… wasn’t her at all. He couldn’t change her or make her into his perfect wife. She was independent like an eagle.

“It’s about time. Youse powerful independent around here sometime considerin’.”

“Considerin’ whut for instance?”

“Considerin’ youse born in a carriage ‘thout no top to it, and yo’ mama and you bein’ born and raised in de white folks back-yard”

Logan chuckled inside. He could see that his comment really hurt Janie. Now finally after all that she had put him through, she was feeling what he felt after she used her words to cut him up inside.

“You didn’t say all dat when you wuz begging Nanny for me to marry you.”

“Ah thought you would ‘preciate good treatment. Thought Ah’d take and make something’ outa yuh. You think youse white folks by de way you act.”

“S’posin’ Ah wuz to run off and leave yuh sometime.”

There! Janie had put words in his held-in fears. She might run off sure enough. The thought put a terrible ache in Logan’s body, but he thought it best to put on scorn.

He thought for a second about what she had said. Life would be a lot easier and more peaceful that’s for sure. The only reason she stayed was because he was keeping her there. But if he let go and just let her run free then he wouldn’t have to go through any of this any more.

“Ah’m gettin’ sleepy, Janie. Let’s don’t talk no mo’. ‘Tain’t too many men would trust yuh, knowin’ yo’ folks lak dey do.”

“Ah might take and find somebody dat did trust me and leave yuh.”

“Shucks! ‘Tain’t no mo’ fools lak me. A whole lot of mens will grin in yo’ face, but dey ain’t gwine tuh work and feed yuh. You won’t git far and you won’t be long, when dat big gut reach over and grab dat little one, you’ll be too glad to come back here.”

It took every thing in him not to lash out and smack her for how rude she was being. She should be satisfied, what hadn’t he given her that she desired?

“You don’t take nothin’ to count but sow-belly and corn-bread.”

“Ah’m sleepy. Ah don’t aim to worry mah gut into a fiddle-string wid no s’posin’.”

He could see this wasn’t going to end till she was satisfied with what he had to say. He should be the head of the house hold. Why couldn’t she see that? She should be happy and thankful for what he has done for her and how good he treats her. But instead she just desires what she doesn’t have. What was it that she wanted that he wasn’t giving her? He thought for a moment, he would give her anything she desired and she knew that. He pampered her like crazy and all she did was take advantage of him. He was tired from working all day. His body ached and his eyes could barely keep themselves open. All he wanted right now was to sleep, but that couldn’t happen until Janie stopped talking.

He flopped over resentful in his agony and pretended sleep. He hoped that he had hurt her as she had hurt him.

Janie got up with him the next morning and had the breakfast halfway done when he bellowed from the barn.

“Janie!” Logan called harshly. “Come help me move dis manure pile befo’ de sun gits hot. You don’t take a bit of interest in dis place. ‘Tain’t no use in foolin’ round in dat kitchen all day long.”

All she did now days was sit in the kitchen and cook. He needed her help running the farm not having her sit cooking all day. Maybe he could get her to actually do some work around the farm, maybe help keep his land clean and the animals happy. Yeah that’s what she could do instead. He hoped their talk last night had made her come to her senses about how good he was to her. The sun was coming up over the hills, he could feel the sweat running down his back. It was like his emotions and feelings that he had bottled up for so long were seeping out his pores and he couldn’t do anything to stop them. He couldn’t let Janie see this weak side of him. He knew if any weakness was shown what so ever she would devour him and dominate. There was nothing he could do; He felt helpless and stuck on a dead end street. And this was his fault, he had asked Nanny for Janie’s hand in marriage, he had picked her for his wife. He was saddened by these thoughts. He didn’t know what to do any more, he use to know exactly what he wanted in life and how he was going to get there. But now he wasn’t so sure what he was going to do. The only thing he did know was that he had to stay strong and not let Janie win. He looked up just in time to see Janie coming out of the house.

Janie walked to the door with the pan in her hand still stirring the cornmeal dough and looked toward the barn. The sun from ambush was threatening the world with red daggers, but the shadows were gray and solid-looking around the barn. Logan with his shovel looked like a black bear doing some clumsy dance on his hind legs.

“You don’t need mah help out dere, Logan. Youse in yo’ place and Ah’m in mine.”

“You ain’t got no particular place. It’s wherever Ah need yuh. Git uh move on yuh, and dat quick.”

“Mah mamma didn’t tell me Ah wuz born in no hurry. Sowhut business Ah got rushin’ now? Anyhow dat ain’t wut youse mad about. Youse mad ‘cause Ah don’t fall down and wash-up dese sixty acres uh ground yuh got. You ain’t done me no favor by marryin’ me. And if dat’s you call yo’self doin’, Ah don’t thank yuh for it. Youse mad ‘cause Ah’, tellin’ yuh whut you already knowed.”

Logan dropped his shovel and made two or three clumsy steps towards the house, then stopped abruptly.

Don’t show any fear and don’t back down he told himself over and over. She can’t know what I feel or she will win. His body was tired from working and fighting Janie so much. This was the end of every thing. He could either give in and let her over power him or he could dominate her. This was his chance, and maybe his only chance to tell her what he really was feeling, really lay into her. He suddenly remembered their fight they had the past night and how much Janie hurt from what he had said to her. Was what he did last night the only thing he could do to break her? It was worth a shot. He could feel the sea of emotions rising up again inside of him. This was his chance to finally take her down.

“Don’t you change too many words wid me dis mawnin’, Janie, do Ah’ll take and change ends wid yuh! Heah, Ah just as good as take you out de white folks’ kitchen and set you down on yo’ royal diasticutis and you take and low-rate me! Ah’ll take holt uh dat ax and come in dere and kill yuh! You better dry up in dere! Ah’m too honest and hard- workin’ for anybody in yo’ family, dat’s de reason you don’t want me!” The last sentence was half a sob and half a cry. “Ah Guess some low-lifted nigger is grinning’ in yo’ face and lyin’ tuh yuh. God damn yo’ hide!”

He had done it! He had finally told her off and said every thing that was on his mind. Relief swept over his body. A sudden peace filled every inch of his being. He watched her mull over every thing he had just said and consider it. This might have worked. Had he finally broke her stubbornness? He turned away from her so she wouldn’t see the smile that crept across his face. He was finally content with his life. She wasn’t going to ruin life or complicate his life any more.

Janie turned from the door with out answering, and stood still in the middle of the floor without knowing it. She turned wrongside out just standing there and feeling. When the throb-bing calmed a little she gave Logan’s speech a hard thought and placed it beside other things she had seen and heard. When she had finished with that she dumped the dough on the skillet and smoothed in over with her hand. She wasn’t even angry. Logan was accusing her mamma, her grandmamma and her feel-ings, and she couldn’t do a thing about any of it. The sow-belly in the pan needed turning. She flipped it over and shoved it back. A little cold water in the coffee pot to settle it. Turned the hoe-cake with a plate and then made a little laugh. What was she los-ing so much time for? A feeling of sudden newness and change came over her.